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September 3, 2015
Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu
Mental Training for Muay Thai, Muay Thai, Muay Thai Overtraining, My Best Posts

The Art of Sucking – What Matters is Showing Up

kicking with Mawin

This photo definitely was not from today.

Some days you don’t feel like training. Like, even just getting out of bed is so exhausting and emotionally difficult that you’re on the verge of tears just getting ready to go. Then, when you get there you end up having an awesome training session, where you feel great or really just blast it out and surprise yourself at your own awesomeness.

Today was not one of those days. The first part was all true and even changing position in bed is an old-man chore of delicate rolling and groaning about soreness and aches. I’m fine; just fucking tired. It’s the end of a very long week, when I would be tired anyway, but it’s also just an extension of last week because I thought I was fighting this Friday (tomorrow) so I trained through my usual rest day. Then my fight was cancelled – or in an optimistic sense “postponed” – and I didn’t get to take the days off that I was expecting, so I’m just continuing on after really pushing it since last week. On top of that, I had an infection in my arm during my last fight, which I treated with antibiotics and that made me really fatigued. Then I slashed my elbow on the braces of one of my training partners and now I’ve got a bandage on that side as well. I look like a kid when they get into the first-aid supplies and just randomly put bandaids and tape everywhere. On top of all that, yesterday Pi Nu tried to kill me by having me do two separate sparring sessions in one afternoon, the bookends to a hard clinching session… all that plus my bagwork, shadow and conditioning and then going to another gym where I do padwork and more clinching. Fuck me. So today I’m tired.

These are all excuses, but none of them matter.  Remember that scene in Rockey when Stallone gives a speech with marbles in his mouth about how

…nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you’re hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward.

This is kind of like that. Today wasn’t a “I didn’t feel like it but I totally smashed it out and it was great,” kind of day. It was a “I didn’t feel like it but went anyway and totally sucked at everything I did, but I fucking showed up,” kind of deal. I didn’t smash it on pads. I was tired; I looked tired. I hit like I was tired. Pi Nu made fun of me and was disappointed, mostly because he knows when I’m tired all the time but loves me because I push through it and don’t show it. Today I showed it. When he told me, “today you no have power,” I grabbed him in the clinch and said, “so why are you still losing?” It was my attempt at humor, but he just threw me down and then pushed me so I couldn’t get up. Not so “winning.” But I finished those damn rounds. And then I clinched and sparred and went to a second gym and did the same because fuck you, that’s why.

Today was probably the kind of day that would have benefited me to just take it off. The rest would have been helpful. But even though that’s true, I still got something out of going to training anyway. And here’s the takeaway: it doesn’t matter how I did in training, it just matters that I showed up and put in my all. Even though all I had was pretty pitiful, I still went to work and tried as hard as I could to work on my mental fortitude, ’cause my physical was totally worthless. And that’s okay. It doesn’t matter that I sucked. It only matters that I tried and that I didn’t give up. If I’d made the decision before going that today was a day off, that would be something. But I didn’t, so I had to commit to what I’d decided. And this is the update I wrote from the gym:

It’s a hard day today. Late in the week and I’ve not had a day off because I thought I was fighting. No power, bad mood; Pi Nu ragging on me for not having power. Here’s the thing: whenever I’m showing clinch to a new person I explain how yanking on the head is the steering wheel – where the head goes, the body must follow. Same with this kind of difficult training – where the head (mind) leads, the body must follow. So I’m focusing on the mental and letting my body just be loose. Easy? NOPE. But it’s better.

So here’s your Rocky speech: it’s not about how hard you train on any given day. Yesterday was a marathon and I made it through like a champ, but no one day matters. It’s about getting up and going to training the next day, when you’re sore and tired and aching all over. When your mind is ready to quit. You don’t have to be awesome every day. You just have to try. And if you suck, make it a lesson in forgiving yourself and put that in the bank for later. It’s about today. Do your best today.

Sylvie out.

 

photo by Claudia Langenegger: me and Mawin at O. Meekhun Gym

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Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu

The Author Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu

A 103 lb. (46 kg) female Muay Thai fighter. Originally I trained under Kumron Vaitayanon (Master K) and Kaensak sor. Ploenjit in New Jersey. I then moved to Thailand to train and fight full time in April of 2012, devoting myself to fighting 100 Thai fights, as well as blogging full time. Having surpassed 100 fights in 3 years here, my new goal is to fight an impossible 200 times in Thailand, as much as I possibly can, and to continue to write my experience.

6 Comments

  • JDKNS
    September 4, 2015 8:30 am

    great read. thanks for taking the time to write your words, been loosely following your journey since old youtube vids with master K. keep up the hard work

    Reply
  • Alex
    September 4, 2015 9:42 pm

    I love reading what you write. You have a unique voice. Thanks for being my dose of inspiration for today. I told myself poison ivy rash all over my legs was an okay reason to not go the gym. I don’t want to gross anyone out. That doesn’t mean that I can’t work out at home, though, right?

    Reply
  • Rupert
    May 30, 2016 5:23 pm

    Superb articles, especially the ones on fatigue or motivation. Overtraining is always a sticky one.

    Reply
  • Minttu
    June 2, 2016 2:16 pm

    I had a day exactly like this yesterday. Thank you for this post and all the work you do to bring this and other content to us.

    Reply
  • Jen
    January 21, 2017 9:47 pm

    You are really inspiring! Thank you for sharing so much.

    Reply
  • Lukas
    February 17, 2018 6:03 am

    This was do awesome!Thanks to you we know that everone of us feel weak sometimes…Thanks!Inspirational!!!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

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Dracula Guard position - Muay Thai

Padwork with Daeng at Lanna – Dracula Guard (Long Guard Variation)

First a Little Bit About Daeng Daeng is one of the most fight-focused trainers I’ve trained with. When I was training at Lanna Muay Thai in Chiang Mai, it was Daeng who invested the most in diagnosing and fixing weaknesses in my fighting. He wasn’t my main trainer, but he’s a very good teacher and has a keen eye for finding how to improve on existing strengths and correct errors. I’d initially gotten a bit stuck with a technically brilliant but lazy and unmotivated trainer – that guy was a great trainer for some, just not for me – and Daeng

Arjan Surat - Dejrat Gym in Bangkok - Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu

Arjan Surat of Dejrat Gym – 1 Hour Private | Coach of the Thai National Team

Join and Study my Muay Thai Library of Legends This is a full video of a private I took with Arjan Surat, Head Coach of the Thai National Team, and owner of the esteemed (but lesser known to the west) Dejrat Gym in Bangkok. I did a short review of the gym when I interviewed female fighter Kaitlin Young, and it was then that I met Arjan Surat for the first time: an absolutely extraordinary teacher and life-force of Muay Thai. The man is Old School-Old School, telling me that he’s been holding pads longer than I’ve been alive (he’s

The Gendered Experience

The Fight Board - Muay Thai, Gender and Thailand

The Fight Board – Belonging and Meaning in Acceptance

Mornings at Petchrungruang are usually just me and Pi Nu. The gym is off the back of his house and when he was a kid it was a farm, then it became a gym when he was 10 years old but he still had to do all his farm chores in addition to training and school. When I arrive there are roosters crowing, kittens scampering around the staircase to a room above the ring that houses Chicken Man and his family – Chicken Man owns the chicken farm out back – and the whole gym is empty. Pi Nu will

Muhammad Ali - Bragging - Women Muay Thai

Why Women Champion Themselves in the Fighting Sports

I was having a conversation with an accomplished and very thoughtful female fighter, Mae-Lin Loew of the incredibly well written Loew Factor blog. She was at once applauding me for being so honest and open in my writing, and at the same time kind of wishing she could move more in that direction herself. The subject of social limitations to what might be perceived as self-aggrandizement in blogging came up, and this little portion of my response seemed to stand on its own and say important things, so I duplicate it here: …There’s a lot of sniping and criticism no

corner

Body Language – Clinch, Thailand and Gender

There are complications to being a woman - or more specifically, having a female body - in a male dominated sport.  As a fighter you are using your body to perform an art and you must use it, hard, on a daily basis in order to insure that it will take care of you in the ring.  There is no room for half-hearted efforts; it's just too frivolous when every mistake has so high a cost.

Angie Max intro

Bravery | Angie’s 4th Fight – A Transgender Fighter

You can watch my video interview with Angie here. I’m watching Angie smash the pads with Pi Nu. She becomes very still when he tags her legs with kicks – they don’t look hard from here, and they’re definitely not full power, but I’ve been on the receiving end of them and they fucking hurt – but she stays strong. She pauses after the strike, the expression on her face becomes hardened and she comes back with a full-power strike and a grunt, almost a growl, in return. She’s preparing for a fight and she’s serious. Her last fight was

no-shoes

Of Modesty and Men – Thai Manners In and Out of Camp

  Power in Modesty? I just read an online article on the topic of Evangelical clothing stores popping up “all over” Brazil. The author is quick to note that Brazil is “known for it’s tiny bikinis,” so there’s some kind of shock expected from the popularity (in number as there is no note on the sales) of these modest clothing stores. The author raises the question, mostly in the title of the article, of whether there is power in modesty. If focus is taken away from the body and how “hot” it looks, can women accomplish more, go farther in

meme - Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu

Can Bleed Like a Man – Lumpinee, Muay Thai, Culture, Sexism and Meme

Feb- 2014 – Here are a few thoughts on the Muay Thai meme that grew out of a photo a follower made of me from my last fight on Yokkao 7, about the meaning of the meme, the nature of the Thai exclusion of women at certain rings like Lumpinee, and what it meant to me. Let me also say that this from my limited perspective as having lived and fought here in Thailand for nearly 2 years now. Farang notoriously don’t get the whole picture. But more of the picture is better than less, and this is what I

What Being Called a Man Means in Muay Thai

Gender: What Being Called a Man Means in Muay Thai

I’ve been called a man twice in the past month – something I’ve experienced many times in Thailand and in the past largely read as a mixed insult or at best a backhanded compliment. It’s not unusual in Thailand for people to make blunt comments about your appearance. But these two have been some of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. I’m not ashamed to be a woman, so what’s with the pride in these two instances, what made the difference? And why were these important to me? The first occasion was at Thapae Stadium in Chiang Mai. The night

Angie Kathoey - Muay Thai Fighter - Pattaya-w1400

Interview with Angie, a Transgender Nakmuay Facing Her First Muay Thai Fight

Part 1 – The Interview with Angie Above is my interview with Angie, a Kathoey (commonly called “Ladyboy”) who is about to have her first Muay Thai fight. Angie started training at Petchrungruang a few months ago. At first it was just once per week, on Sunday afternoons, which is a slow day at the gym. But she quickly got stronger – I could see it from afar, even before we really started interacting with each other, other than a smile of recognition back and forth – her passion for Muay Thai is evident. In a short amount of time,

Muay Thai and Text

Academic Muay Thai Articles in English | Scholarly Essays

In addition to being very committed to training and fighting in Muay Thai as much as I can in Thailand, I also have a deep academic root in me and I revel in exploring abstract concepts and concrete facts that help to better understand one’s place and one’s meaning in the world and the liberties awarded and denied through inclusion and exclusion. Unfortunately there is a dearth of academic study of Muay Thai and even less that is produced in English; the articles that have been written are somewhat dispersed and at times hard to find, so below I’ve compiled

Apollonius - Boxer at Rest Toughnes

The Fragility of Western Masculinity

Some of the questions raised by this article were followed up here: Do Women have a Commitment Advantage in Muay Thai This post also lead to me writing about the Myth of Overtraining and how Endurance is a Skill. There’s a type of dude who frequently appears in the gym in Thailand, looking to fight in Muay Thai.  Usually these guys already have a few fights under their belts and are in close-to-fighting-shape.  I specify that they’re “close to” fighting shape because these guys rarely identify themselves as being already in shape, or where they would want to be to

expectation

Motivation is 80% Expectation – Lessons in Attitude in Muay Thai

Afternoon training at Petchrungruang yesterday was a pendulum swinging between, “hey, that’s not so bad,” to “holy hell, I’m never going to make it through this.”  I didn’t feel well, mostly fatigued and feeling a little bit flu-ish in the sore muscle and fever department.  So of course, of course, as I’m pushing my way through bagwork I get called in to the ring to do sparring with this kid who has been kicking my ass in clinch the last couple days. So I sucked it up and got in the ring, focusing on just having the right kind of

Ressurection-Original

What is Violence: Fighting or Silence? | The Telling of Rape

A woman I know from the US wrote to me and asked me how one knows whether or not one’s gym situation is severely messed up. She then told me about a very alarmingly abusive power dynamic between the owners/managers of her previous gym and how they treated female gym members, as well as their more physical power trips over male and female members during sparring. She wanted to write about it, to help women who might be in similar situations realize that this is not okay. In the way you can change any love song into a Christian Rock

20-minutes-of-clinch-with-pettonpung-gym-mae-rim

Sharing Clinch Techniques | 20 Minutes Clinching with All-Female Gym [video]

In the video below some of the techniques being worked on: blade of the forearm lock to create leverage turns on the knee, waiting until on one foot small jerks to off balance, instead of continuous pressure moving forward and back to off balance inside thigh trip to turn and trip steering by the inside of the elbows the bounce to hide moves Spreading the Technique of Clinch This is a follow up post on my Passing Some Clinch Knowledge post on my visit to the Pettonpung gym about a month before this, where I showed my lock and a

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