Jump to content

Effect of Marriage on Female Fighters


Recommended Posts

I was wondering if this was strictly a Japanese phenomena or is it the case in Thailand or other countries that female fighters tend to retire upon marriage or motherhood?

In my observations, it used to be a seemingly set rule that if she wants to keep fighting, she can't get married. In essence, by fighting she was sacrificing having a family.

Actually, a more accurate explanation would be that what she is doing is seen as a hobby and that when real life begins, it is time to give that hobby up.

Examples:

- Erika Kamimura started dating, retired shortly afterwards. (cited medical reasons)

- Rena, has stated in blogs that she cannot date (especially around Valentines Day)

- Mika Nagano, retired upon marriage

- Megumi Fujii, married after retirement

- Miku Matsumoto, retired upon marriage

- Saya Ito, will probably retire upon high school graduation

 

 

Recently fighters have been returning to the ring though

- Saori Ishioka (Husband owns dojo)

- Satoko Shinashi (Husband owns dojo)

- Hisae Watanabe (Offered a lot of money)

 

Two thoughts are that women who marry fighters are more prone to return to the ring and that money may be playing a factor. Until recently, female fighters haven't been offered a lot of money and maybe them training was a luxury they couldn't afford to maintain. My main inclination though is that it is cultural.

This post is not meant to disparage women who choose to retire for whatever reason, I was just noticing a common occurrence. 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

From what my knowledge about Japanese culture is, you are totally right. And my knowledge comes mostly from animes, so bear with me - but I think it also reflects a kind of view on how "things should be". 

It's mostly that way that a woman works, but her "goal" should be to marry. And she's expected to quit her job after marriage. Still, I think this is starting to change as the culture gets "westernized".

I'm actually really curious on how it works in real life and if it's changing and how it is in Thailand.

From what I can say about Poland is that it's extremely rare that a female fighter is married and still active. There are exceptions from the rule and mostly it's when she earns a lot or has a fighter/ex-figher as a husband/boyfriend OR even bigger exception when the husband is really supportive of her. In Poland there is a big group of people caring for family bonds and family continuity religiously, so women are expected to get married and have children at a certain age ("what?! 30yo and single?! go make a baby right now! So what if you have no husband! You should have a baby, who's going to work for your pension?! when I was your age I already had 2/3 children!") - but I think that's similar everywhere. Of course there's also understanding and acceptance of being 25+ and single, but I think most of the society still thinks, something's wrong with you. So here's where the pressure of quitting martial arts and starting a family comes from, when you're "lucky" to find a husband.

I'd love to have more to tell about it, but from my personal experience my ex-partners were never supportive of me pursuing my martial arts dreams and when I try to date now, guys seem to dissapear when I tell them I do martial arts (or maybe it's because I'm fat and ugly and have a bad or childish personality, but I'm positive it's more about the martial arts part) :D On the other hand I also know girls who train and compete in martial arts and still date, so... it depends on the person, I think. The culture adds pressure to it for sure.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like there are some similarities.

You see it in other aspects of Japanese culture, there is some kind of christmas cake joke they have, which essentially boils down to christmas cake is no good after the 25th (aka no one will marry you after 25)

Seeing certain fighters return to the ring has been uplifting, I agree that it seems that fighters who are returning either have spouses involved in martial arts or very understanding spouses. Plus with Ronda Rousey making waves as to how much female fighters can make, it seems that more women are interested in fighting.

It seems that in the U.S., fighters are able to keep fighting after they marry, but that may just be the minority that is fighting in major promotions.

On a positive note, so many famous fighters in Japan have recently had babies / will be having babies. I couldn't believe it when I was over there. It seemed like everyone I texted to meet up with was pregnant or had just had a kid. So, a lot of future badasses out there.

I am interested to see what Sylvie or someone with experience in Thailand can say about the matter

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not completely sure it is specifically marriage in Thailand. Though most definitely there is a widespread ethic that women should not fight. You even see it among potential female western fighters who come and get a Thai fighter boyfriend. Anecdotally, we've seen potential or current fighters become less active as fighters, and some be strongly steered away from fighting, when a Thai ex-fighter boyfriend relationship starts. It does not seem to be the case that the men, because they are fighters, see fighting as something the female should do. In fact, quite the opposite. Because they are or have been fighters their female counterparts should not fight. Again, anecdotally.

To understand this though in almost all circumstances Muay Thai in Thailand is work. It's not glamorous, by and large, and most people think about females fighting: Why would you do that? And Sylvie's been asked many times why I would allow or want her to fight. It just makes little sense, even if you are talented in it. It is very rare for a female fighter to make any real money, and most women want to stop fighting before 20. They've been doing it, usually, since they were a kid, and if they didn't have to fight - due to circumstances - they wouldn't. There is almost none of the "martial arts for the beauty" or "personal glory" involved in the decision to be a fighter. It's just work. And it is work that isn't sustainable, not to mention work that can scar you.

You can add to that that female Thai fighters really have no career path once they start becoming very good. Sylvie wrote about this in her Judging Youth article. When Thai boys start really excelling at around the age of 15 and are climbing top talent in the Bangkok stadia, Thai girls start running out of top opponents. Not only is the pool much smaller, but nobody wants to fight them because in order to fight you have to lay significant money down. There is no sense of "Hey, let's fight and see who the best for the good and glory of the sport". It's about money. There will be some high profile matchups, but there simply is no scene, no promotional structure, along which a very good 15 year old female fighter will grow into a great one. There are rare exceptions like with Sawsing and Chommanee, women who become national stars, but even they are probably not earning a significant living, very infrequently fight, and probably would prefer to just retire. I never get the feeling that any Thai female fighter around 20 wants to fight anymore, at least in the sense that is expressed in the west.

Sawsing is an interesting example of course, because she recently got married (to a fighter) and had a baby, and is having a comeback fight. This is a strong exception and it's interesting to watch. There are other examples of female fighters coming back to Muay Thai at or around after college. Zaza has been having a very slow comeback (she fought in Japan when young) - she is the girlfriend of one of the Pinto brothers - but does not really seem to want to fight. We've heard she asks such a high fee it is very hard to book her. I don't know if she has fought in many months after a few initial victories, and when she did fight she seemed to be facing girls she knew she could win against. It really appeared, at least to me, as if she was coming back to Muay Thai to maybe further a larger singing or acting career, which is pretty interesting, because to some degree being a top female fighter has become something of a marketable media image. This feels new.

So, given all this context I would imagine that if you add marriage into the mix it would definitely create a possible: Now it is time to move onto the next stage of your life. There is a feeling that female fighting is for when you are young (early and mid teens), but then because there is no future, you move on. Phetjee Jaa says that she wants to join the military, when we asked her. There doesn't seem to be a vision of future world greatness.

As a sidenote about culture, Tom and Dee-ism (a form of Thai lesbian relationship) is pretty common among female Thai fighters (at least it seems to be from what we've seen). It also is strongest in the demographic of youth. But unlike a more western concept of firm sexual identity, this too is often treated as a stage or a fad by families, who then at a certain point expect their daughters to stop experimenting, get married, and get on with their life. This can be very painful for women more committed to the life choice, as Dees leave and start a straight life, because its expected. I'm not drawing a complete connection here, but only to say that there is foundation for a "Now it is time to grow up" judgment from society directed towards women who have lived a life in their teens. This could tie into a similar "time to grow up" attitude towards fighting.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its funny to think Japan has a popular Christmas joke that the West has no equivalent for.

 

My first reaction to the topic is that it should be considered that it may be motherhood or potential motherhood that is the motivation for retirement, and not the marriage per se. To me working as a professional athlete doesn't seem any more or less befitting of a marriage than working any other job. However there is a difference in motherhood. If an athlete becomes pregnant they will have to stop or at least reduce training to ensure the safety of the child, and the extended period of reduced training will permanently affect the athletes ability to do their job. This also exists to an extent in some other job fields but for many jobs the mother can take a maternity leave and return to their job with no great loss in efficiency. My theory is that this either directly or indirectly causes the phenomenon.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is definitely a noted pattern among Thai women fighters. Part of it is that, as Kevin said, women don't have careers extending as late into their 20's as men do anyway. There's no "Lumpinee Champion Title" for women, so the road simply doesn't lead very far for a lot of women. So retiring or greatly slowing down in fighting at that age is not only linked to marriage, although it's not unrelated either because Thai women do marry pretty young and teen pregnancy is crazy high in Thailand as a whole. Sexual education here sucks

I reckon the culture about dating is similar to Japan. While there is much greater leniency toward boys in Thailand when it comes to being sexually active, a top-tier or even very active male fighter is discouraged from having a girlfriend because it's seen as a distraction and deleterious to his "power." As a married woman, I can't tell you how many times the more gregarious men at the gym have outright told me not to have sex with my husband before a fight, because they think it will drain my power. If a boy is struggling in the ring, looking tired, the jokes about how he's masturbating too much or it's because of a girlfriend are rampant. My own trainer was something of a playboy in his youth but he tells his 15-year-old son, "you can have a girlfriend later, but now you fight." And it's the same with 14-year-old Phetjee Jaa and her 15-year-old brother Mawin: their dad/coach said the Thai equivalent to "no fuckin' way," regarding either of them dating. Perhaps one of the reasons that the Tom/Dee relationships that Kevin mentioned are more prevalent among female fighters is that it's not seen as "real sex" between women - it's called having a "play friend" in Thai - and so it's not detrimental to training or the body and doesn't risk pregnancy; and because these relationships are largely regarded as temporary or phases, it also doesn't risk a woman's ultimate duty to become a wife and mother.

So, heterosexual dating and fighting don't mix, culturally. As such, it makes sense that you have to pick one and because men can do both - because they don't have to carry a pregnancy and culturally are far less responsible for the daily care of infants and children - you'll see 20-something or older fighters with families. In the west, I do see married women who are fighting, but the most prominent of these have a spouse who is somehow involved in their training/fighting. I think even in the west, our own sexism and expectations for women and their maternal responsibilities are too far away from having loads of women fighters who are married to men who have nothing to do with the gym. I don't know if that applies to non-hetero couples.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is definitely a noted pattern among Thai women fighters. Part of it is that, as Kevin said, women don't have careers extending as late into their 20's as men do anyway. There's no "Lumpinee Champion Title" for women, so the road simply doesn't lead very far for a lot of women. .

 

One aspect of Muay Thai that interests me is that winning titles doesn't always directly correlate to supreme glory. For example, Somrak Khamsing never won a stadium title but is considered among the greatest nakmuays of all time. I remember reading one of your blogs that said to a similar effect that you don't care if you win belts as long as you get wins against the best fighters in the world. Perhaps it is not the regalia of Luminee that drives men further into their fighting careers, but a social condition which makes male success in Muay Thai more valuable than female success, both in terms of prestige and wealth. If all the major stadiums created female title but society placed the same importance on female Muay Thai as they currently do, I think the stadium titles would just play similar roles that the WPMF, IFMA, WBC, etc. titles currently do. Something very similar happens currently with the highest weight classes among male Lumpinee fighter. They're not viewed with the same prestige as the 135 and under weight classes.

 

 

I reckon the culture about dating is similar to Japan. While there is much greater leniency toward boys in Thailand when it comes to being sexually active, a top-tier or even very active male fighter is discouraged from having a girlfriend because it's seen as a distraction and deleterious to his "power." As a married woman, I can't tell you how many times the more gregarious men at the gym have outright told me not to have sex with my husband before a fight, because they think it will drain my power. If a boy is struggling in the ring, looking tired, the jokes about how he's masturbating too much or it's because of a girlfriend are rampant. My own trainer was something of a playboy in his youth but he tells his 15-year-old son, "you can have a girlfriend later, but now you fight." And it's the same with 14-year-old Phetjee Jaa and her 15-year-old brother Mawin: their dad/coach said the Thai equivalent to "no fuckin' way," regarding either of them dating. 

 

I saw a scientific article a few years ago that actually studied this bit of bro science by testing how sex or lack of sex changes testosterone in people. Long story short abstinence only has higher levels if a period of ~7 days is waited. Before and after the 7 day peak the levels were lower than the stable levels of the people who had regular sex.

 

 

Perhaps one of the reasons that the Tom/Dee relationships that Kevin mentioned are more prevalent among female fighters is that it's not seen as "real sex" between women - it's called having a "play friend" in Thai - and so it's not detrimental to training or the body and doesn't risk pregnancy; and because these relationships are largely regarded as temporary or phases, it also doesn't risk a woman's ultimate duty to become a wife and mother.

 

I'm a big fan of ancient history and I remember reading an ancient Pagan text which expressed the same idea. It was a father basically telling his son there is no problem with fooling around with men as long as he marries a woman and has children with her. I get the impression that the Abrahamic religions are largely responsible for the view of pure heterosexuality as "real" and everything else as this completely separate thing. Of course any traditionalist society will still have social pressures to encourage parenthood. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

One aspect of Muay Thai that interests me is that winning titles doesn't always directly correlate to supreme glory. For example, Somrak Khamsing never won a stadium title but is considered among the greatest nakmuays of all time.

He didn't win a stadium title but he was the first Thai to win a gold medal at the Olympics, which could be perceived as a greater achievement than a stadium title(?). Not to mention the time period he won it in, which just propelled his fame. 

Though, Sudsakorn is quite famous and he was never a major stadium champion, so it doesn't directly correlate I agree.

 

Sorry for going off-topic OP.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He didn't win a stadium title but he was the first Thai to win a gold medal at the Olympics, which could be perceived as a greater achievement than a stadium title(?). Not to mention the time period he won it in, which just propelled his fame. 

 

Not to go too far off topic, but I would say definitely the case. There are many, many Lumpinee titles and very few Olympic golds. Winning that gold made him a superstar and from what I've heard financially set for life. There is also something very alluring to Thais about western boxing victories. It proves Thai greatness on the international stage. Thai western boxing champions are very well regarded. I've heard that even a bronze medal for boxing in the Olympics changed a fighter's life.

Back to female Thai Muay Thai fighters, there is no achievement out there that really changes your future. There is just long term presence in the media and then not. It could be that some of the things that the IFMA is reaching for can change some of that - with international prestige at stake - I'm not sure though.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Most Recent Topics

  • Latest Comments

    • One of the most confused aspects of Western genuine interest in Thailand's Muay Thai is the invisibility of its social structure, upon which some of our fondest perceptions and values of it as a "traditional" and respect-driven art are founded. Because it takes passing out of tourist mode to see these things they remain opaque. (One can be in a tourist mode for a very long time in Thailand, enjoying the qualities of is culture as they are directed toward Westerners as part of its economy - an aspect of its centuries old culture of exchange and affinity for international trade and its peoples.). If one does not enter into substantive, stakeholder relations which usually involve fluently learning to speak the language (I have not, but my wife has), these things will remain hidden even to those that know Thailand well. It has been called, perhaps incorrectly, a "latent caste system". Thailand's is a patronage culture that is quiet strongly hierarchical - often in ways that are unseen to the foreigner in Muay Thai gyms - that carries with it vestigial forms of feudal-like relationships (the Sakdina system) that once involved very widespread slavery, indentured worker ethnicities, classes and networks of debt (both financial and social), much of those power relations now expressed in obligations. Westerners just do not - usually - see this web of shifting high vs low struggles, as we move within the commercial outward-facing layer that floats above it. In terms of Muay Thai, between these two layers - the inward-facing, rich, traditional patronage (though ethically problematic) historical layer AND the capitalist, commerce and exchange-driven, outward-facing layer - have developed fighter contract laws. It's safe to say that before these contract laws, I believe codified in the 1999 Boxing Act due to abuses, these legal powers would have been enforced by custom, its ethical norms and local political powers. There was social law before there was contract law. Aside from these larger societal hierarchies, there is also a history of Muay Thai fighters growing up in kaimuay camps that operate almost as orphanages (without the death of parents), or houses of care for youth into which young fighters are given over, very much like informal adoption. This can be seen in the light of both vestigial Thai social caste & its financial indenture (this is a good lecture on the history of cultures of indentured servitude, family as value & debt ), and the Thai custom of young boys entering a temple to become novice monks, granting spiritual merit to their parents. These camps can be understood as parallel families, with the heads of them seen as a father-like. Young fighters would be raised together, disciplined, given values (ideally, values reflected in Muay Thai itself), such that the larger hierarchies that organize the country are expressed more personally, in forms of obligation and debt placed upon both the raised fighter and also, importantly, the authorities in the gym. One has to be a good parent, a good benefactor, as well as a good son. Thai fighter contract law is meant to at bare bones reflect these deeper social obligations. It's enough to say that these are the social norms that govern Thailand's Muay Thai gyms, as they exist for Thais. And, these norms are difficult to map onto Western sensibilities as we might run into them. We come to Thailand...and to Thailand's gyms almost at the acme of Western freedom. Many come with the liberty of relative wealth, sometimes long term vacationers even with great wealth, entering a (semi) "traditional" culture with extraordinary autonomy. We often have choices outside of those found even in one's native country. Famously, older men find young, hot "pseudo-relationship" girlfriends well beyond their reach. Adults explore projects of masculinity, or self-development not available back home. For many the constrictures of the mores of their own cultures no longer seem to apply. When we go to this Thai gym or that, we are doing so out of an extreme sense of choice. We are variously versions of the "customer". We've learned by rote, "The customer is always right". When people come to Thailand to become a fighter, or an "authentic fighter", the longer they stay and the further they pass toward that (supposed) authenticity, they are entering into an invisible landscape of social attachments, submissions & debts. If you "really want to be 'treated like a Thai', this is a world of acute and quite rigid social hierarchies, one in which the freedom & liberties that may have motivated you are quite alien. What complicates this matter, is that this rigidity is the source of the traditional values which draws so many from around to the world to Thailand in the first place. If you were really "treated like a Thai", perhaps especially as a woman, you would probably find yourself quite disempowered, lacking in choice, and subject only to a hoped-for beneficence from those few you are obligated to and define your horizon of choice. Below is an excerpt from Lynne Miller's Fighting for Success, a book telling of her travails and lessons in owning the Sor. Sumalee Gym as a foreign woman. This passage is the most revealing story I've found about the consequences of these obligations, and their legal form, for the Thai fighter. While extreme in this case, the general form of obligations of what is going on here is omnipresent in Thai gyms...for Thais. It isn't just the contractual bounds, its the hierarchy, obligation, social debt, and family-like authorities upon which the contract law is founded. The story that she tells is of her own frustrations to resolve this matter in a way that seems quite equitable, fair to our sensibilities. Our Western idea of labor and its value. But, what is also occurring here is that, aside from claimed previous failures of care, there was a deep, face-losing breech of obligation when the fighter fled just before a big fight, and that there was no real reasonable financial "repair" for this loss of face. This is because beneath the commerce of fighting is still a very strong hierarchical social form, within which one's aura of authority is always being contested. This is social capital, as Bourdieu would say. It's a different economy. Thailand's Muay Thai is a form of social agonism, more than it is even an agonism of the ring. When you understand this, one might come to realize just how much of an anathema it is for middle class or lower-middle class Westerners to come from liberties and ideals of self-empowerment to Thailand to become "just like a Thai fighter". In some ways this would be like dreaming to become a janitor in a business. In some ways it is very much NOT like this as it can be imbued with traditional values...but in terms of social power and the ladder of authorities and how the work of training and fighting is construed, it is like this. This is something that is quite misunderstood. Even when Westerners, increasingly, become padmen in Thai gyms, imagining that they have achieved some kind of authenticity promotion of "coach", it is much more comparable to becoming a low-value (often free) worker, someone who pumps out rounds, not far from someone who sweeps the gym or works horse stables leading horse to pasture...in terms of social worth. When you come to a relatively "Thai" style gym as an adult novice aiming to perhaps become a fighter, you are doing this as a customer attempting to map onto a 10 year old Thai boy beginner who may very well become contractually owned by the gym, and socially obligated to its owner for life. These are very different, almost antithetical worlds. This is the fundamental tension between the beauties of Thai traditional Muay Thai culture, which carry very meaningful values, and its largely invisible, sometimes cruel and uncaring, social constriction. If you don't see the "ladder", and you only see "people", you aren't really seeing Thailand.        
    • He told me he was teaching at a gym in Chong Chom, Surin - which is right next to the Cambodian border.  Or has he decided to make use of the border crossing?  🤔
    • Here is a 6 minute audio wherein a I phrase the argument speaking in terms of Thailand's Muay Femeu and Spinoza's Ethics.    
  • The Latest From Open Topics Forum

    • Hi, this might be out of the normal topic, but I thought you all might be interested in a book-- Children of the Neon Bamboo-- that has a really cool Martial Arts instructor character who set up an early Muy Thai gym south of Miami in the 1980s. He's a really cool character who drives the plot, and there historically accurate allusions to 1980s martial arts culture. However, the main thrust is more about nostalgia and friendships.    Can we do links? Childrenoftheneonbamboo.com Children of the Neon Bamboo: B. Glynn Kimmey: 9798988054115: Amazon.com: Movies & TV      
    • Davince Resolve is a great place to start. 
    • I see that this thread is from three years ago, and I hope your journey with Muay Thai and mental health has evolved positively during this time. It's fascinating to revisit these discussions and reflect on how our understanding of such topics can grow. The connection between training and mental health is intricate, as you've pointed out. Finding the right balance between pushing yourself and self-care is a continuous learning process. If you've been exploring various avenues for managing mood-related issues over these years, you might want to revisit the topic of mental health resources. One such resource is The UK Medical Cannabis Card, which can provide insights into alternative treatments.
    • Phetjeeja fought Anissa Meksen for a ONE FC interim atomweight kickboxing title 12/22/2023. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu92S6-V5y0&ab_channel=ONEChampionship Fight starts at 45:08 Phetjeeja won on points. Not being able to clinch really handicapped her. I was afraid the ref was going to start deducting points for clinch fouls.   
    • Earlier this year I wrote a couple of sociology essays that dealt directly with Muay Thai, drawing on Sylvie's journalism and discussions on the podcast to do so. I thought I'd put them up here in case they were of any interest, rather than locking them away with the intention to perfectly rewrite them 'some day'. There's not really many novel insights of my own, rather it's more just pulling together existing literature with some of the von Duuglus-Ittu's work, which I think is criminally underutilised in academic discussions of MT. The first, 'Some meanings of muay' was written for an ideology/sosciology of knowledge paper, and is an overly long, somewhat grindy attempt to give a combined historical, institutional, and situated study of major cultural meanings of Muay Thai as a form of strength. The second paper, 'the fighter's heart' was written for a qualitative analysis course, and makes extensive use of interviews and podcast discussions to talk about some ways in which the gendered/sexed body is described/deployed within Muay Thai. There's plenty of issues with both, and they're not what I'd write today, and I'm learning to realise that's fine! some meanings of muay.docx The fighter's heart.docx
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      1.3k
    • Total Posts
      11k
×
×
  • Create New...